P and I have always had problems with our mail at this house. We get mail for the wrong addresses and people all the time. We have had mail butchered and returned to us opened and in pieces with a note from the post office saying they were sorry for the inconvenience but our mail was opened in process. I will write wrong address or wrong person or return to sender and it will be delivered back to me the same day. I've had to mark out the delivery address or the name so that it will be delivered to the correct recipient or sender sometimes. We also get mail really, really late. I got my car registration six months after ordering it online with the post mark that long before. I also have mail sometimes never show up. I have had contracts sent to me multiple times for various things before I actually got a copy. P and I do most of our stuff online anyway, so it usually isn't too big a deal, and we have started doing the rest in person if possible.
Our mailman is a nice man. Actually he is super nice and that is one of the reasons that we have never complained. He always waves to everyone and says hi. We have one of those communal mail boxes down block and around the corner that they do now. With both pregnancies, he would bring me any packages so that I wouldn't have to carry them from the mailbox and would occasionally even bring me the mail to the door if there was a lot (or I hadn't picked up in a while). P and I often joked about how the niceness balanced his incompetence and just explained the problem as necessary.
A few days ago I was leaving to run an errand and I saw a substitute mailman at a different mailbox delivery the mail while talking on the cell phone. On my way back I saw him at our set of mailboxes delivering our mail still on the cell phone. I've seen this guy a few times, but not often. I'm now wondering if he is the cause of all our problems with the mail. I wish I remembered the exact date I saw this so that I could write it in the letter that knowing me I will eventually send.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Quilting Guild and Ds
The San Antonio quilting guild is pretty large. They have hundreds of members and the meetings are really interesting. They have really good quilters and instructors come from all over to teach and the topics are fun. They do a lot of community service including presentations at schools and libraries and making quilts for the hospitals and soldiers. I keep saying 'they'. There is a reason for this.
I used to go regularly, even through my pregnancy with the nerdlet. I went after her birth and it was really the only time I would leave the nerdlet with her daddy alone. It was where most of my quilting customers would come from. I stopped going a few months before I got pregnant with the bear cub. All of a sudden it became inconvenient to make time in my schedule. It happened one Saturday when one of the members gave a little speech during the announcements.
She announced that her baby was born without Down syndrome and she cried telling us how happy she was and how grateful she was for the prayers and how awful her whole pregnancy was thinking that her son was going to have it. I went a few more times after this speech, but I never really felt comfortable around her again. This lady owns one of the quilt shops and I have never been and will never go to her shop. This was before my life was personally affected by having a child with Ds, but I could not seem to get over the fact that she would allow such a diagnosis to make her miserable.
I know that is a normal response to grieve when you have a child diagnosed with Ds. I understand that it is seeing all your dreams for certain things all disappear at once, as opposed to your other children where your dreams for them disappear one by one as they grow and change and show you that they are who they are and not who you dream them to be. I never went through this, but even before the nerdlet, P and I had many discussions about how if our children wanted to be hairdressers or poor struggling musicians or whatever that we would support them in who they were. Maybe that helped. Maybe it helped that it was so hard for P and I to conceive in the first place.
There is a facebook meme that parents of Ds are posting. "My wish for 2010 is that people will understand that DOWN SYNDROME is not a disease; people with DOWN SYNDROME are not looking for a cure but ACCEPTANCE." I do think it is important that people realize that it isn't a disease. People ask if parents would cure their child that has Ds if they could. Would you trade your child for another child if you could? I guess those that abort their children because they have Ds would. Isn't that what they are trying to do? I would certainly have cured the hole in the bear cub's heart, but now it is cured - through surgery. I would help her not have to struggle with learning certain things, when it comes to that. Would I cure the part that makes her smile all the way down to her toes? Would I cure the part that makes her greet everyone with that happy grin? Would I cure the sweetness that causes the ladies at the gym daycare to say she makes them want to have another baby? Would I cure what makes her the person that she fundamentally is? No, I would not exchange my daughter for a different one. I love her the way that she is.
I used to go regularly, even through my pregnancy with the nerdlet. I went after her birth and it was really the only time I would leave the nerdlet with her daddy alone. It was where most of my quilting customers would come from. I stopped going a few months before I got pregnant with the bear cub. All of a sudden it became inconvenient to make time in my schedule. It happened one Saturday when one of the members gave a little speech during the announcements.
She announced that her baby was born without Down syndrome and she cried telling us how happy she was and how grateful she was for the prayers and how awful her whole pregnancy was thinking that her son was going to have it. I went a few more times after this speech, but I never really felt comfortable around her again. This lady owns one of the quilt shops and I have never been and will never go to her shop. This was before my life was personally affected by having a child with Ds, but I could not seem to get over the fact that she would allow such a diagnosis to make her miserable.
I know that is a normal response to grieve when you have a child diagnosed with Ds. I understand that it is seeing all your dreams for certain things all disappear at once, as opposed to your other children where your dreams for them disappear one by one as they grow and change and show you that they are who they are and not who you dream them to be. I never went through this, but even before the nerdlet, P and I had many discussions about how if our children wanted to be hairdressers or poor struggling musicians or whatever that we would support them in who they were. Maybe that helped. Maybe it helped that it was so hard for P and I to conceive in the first place.
There is a facebook meme that parents of Ds are posting. "My wish for 2010 is that people will understand that DOWN SYNDROME is not a disease; people with DOWN SYNDROME are not looking for a cure but ACCEPTANCE." I do think it is important that people realize that it isn't a disease. People ask if parents would cure their child that has Ds if they could. Would you trade your child for another child if you could? I guess those that abort their children because they have Ds would. Isn't that what they are trying to do? I would certainly have cured the hole in the bear cub's heart, but now it is cured - through surgery. I would help her not have to struggle with learning certain things, when it comes to that. Would I cure the part that makes her smile all the way down to her toes? Would I cure the part that makes her greet everyone with that happy grin? Would I cure the sweetness that causes the ladies at the gym daycare to say she makes them want to have another baby? Would I cure what makes her the person that she fundamentally is? No, I would not exchange my daughter for a different one. I love her the way that she is.
Monday, January 11, 2010
New Years Resolutions
I like to make New Years Resolutions, but I haven't really made any this year, or at least I haven't made any that coincided with the new year. I like resolutions in general. In junior high, I was told that Benjamin Franklin made a resolution to improve himself all the time working on one thing each week, and I took that to heart. I'm working on something to improve myself at all times. One of the things that you will find in common between most of my friends, who are so different in so many other ways, is that they are what I call strivers and that they too are not complacent in who they are. It is one of the many things that I love about my husband.
One of the things that I continually have to work on my entire life is my interpersonal skills (a word I have picked up from Nick Jr.). I have no instinct for social skills. I work on them all the time and as time progresses it is harder and harder for me to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Another nice thing about P is that he is good at helping me identify these gaps.
One of the things that I've been working on more recently is not being an intellectual bully. I have this propensity when I'm angry (especially when I'm feeling indignant) to speak faster and raise the level of my vocabulary, especially with my bosses. It's not an especially endearing trait and it isn't something that I do consciously. It is a remnant of growing up in a dis-functional family where my dad was abusive in almost every way and my only defense was my mouth.
If you look at me at any point in my life with an open eye, you will find that I am a different, and hopefully better, person that I was the year prior, and hopefully even six months prior. Everyone in my family, with the possible exception of my dad, benefited greatly from my parents getting a divorce. I feel that I benefited the most, and the benefit that I appreciate the most is that with the new family dynamic my mother and sisters look at me as differently than they did growing up. For the most part, they see me as closer to who I am than as the collection of who I was growing up. It seems to me that most people have their position in the family where they fit and have a really hard time removing themselves from that spot, if it is even possible. Although I am lucky that I'm not in the spot I was growing up, I do wish that they would see that I'm not the same person that made the same mistakes two decades ago, a decade ago, or even a year ago. I invite them and you to see the person I am today and the person I am tomorrow.
One of the things that I continually have to work on my entire life is my interpersonal skills (a word I have picked up from Nick Jr.). I have no instinct for social skills. I work on them all the time and as time progresses it is harder and harder for me to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Another nice thing about P is that he is good at helping me identify these gaps.
One of the things that I've been working on more recently is not being an intellectual bully. I have this propensity when I'm angry (especially when I'm feeling indignant) to speak faster and raise the level of my vocabulary, especially with my bosses. It's not an especially endearing trait and it isn't something that I do consciously. It is a remnant of growing up in a dis-functional family where my dad was abusive in almost every way and my only defense was my mouth.
If you look at me at any point in my life with an open eye, you will find that I am a different, and hopefully better, person that I was the year prior, and hopefully even six months prior. Everyone in my family, with the possible exception of my dad, benefited greatly from my parents getting a divorce. I feel that I benefited the most, and the benefit that I appreciate the most is that with the new family dynamic my mother and sisters look at me as differently than they did growing up. For the most part, they see me as closer to who I am than as the collection of who I was growing up. It seems to me that most people have their position in the family where they fit and have a really hard time removing themselves from that spot, if it is even possible. Although I am lucky that I'm not in the spot I was growing up, I do wish that they would see that I'm not the same person that made the same mistakes two decades ago, a decade ago, or even a year ago. I invite them and you to see the person I am today and the person I am tomorrow.
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Lottery by Patrica Wood
Dave Hingsburger (http://davehingsburger.blogspot.com/) is an activist for people with disabilities (and other variations from completely average or less than 1σ). I've read through his entire blog and although I don't always agree with what he has to say, I do think that he is a wonderful advocate and I greatly appreciate having spent the time to read his words. I've actually linked to his blog in various places many times. He is having an online book club on January 25 with the book The Lottery by Patricia Wood. The basic premise of the book is that a young man with a mental disability wins 12 million in the lottery. I just finished reading it and I think that despite some minor flaws it was well worth reading. I'll post more on the 25th (assuming I remember).
More Happiness
10 more things that make me happy:
1.Dancing with P
2.The bear cub's smile
3.Bug's nervous laugh when she is really excited about something
4.When my dog's are clean
5.Misty Kitty likes my singing
6.The beauty of the written Japanese language
7.Watercolor paintings
8.www.gutenberg.com
9.spaghetti
10.blue plumbago
1.Dancing with P
2.The bear cub's smile
3.Bug's nervous laugh when she is really excited about something
4.When my dog's are clean
5.Misty Kitty likes my singing
6.The beauty of the written Japanese language
7.Watercolor paintings
8.www.gutenberg.com
9.spaghetti
10.blue plumbago
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Happiness
10 things that make me happy:
(not necessarily in order)
1. cuddling with my husband and/or girls
2. my sewing machine
3. creating of pretty much any sort
4. music that makes you want to dance
5. reading a really good book
6. the sounds of my daughters' voices
7. Signing Times
8. uninterrupted naps (I remember those)
9. chocolate, especially dark chocolate
10. relaxing in a hot tub
(not necessarily in order)
1. cuddling with my husband and/or girls
2. my sewing machine
3. creating of pretty much any sort
4. music that makes you want to dance
5. reading a really good book
6. the sounds of my daughters' voices
7. Signing Times
8. uninterrupted naps (I remember those)
9. chocolate, especially dark chocolate
10. relaxing in a hot tub
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Time Apart is Good for the Heart
P and I have an agreement that we will spend at least 2 days apart each month. The joke is that we do this so we don't turn into his parents. In reality, we do this because it is really good for our relationship to have time apart to miss each other. I think it keeps us appreciating each other and also ourselves as individuals. My younger sister R says that this wouldn't work for everyone because no one trusts their spouse as much as we do. I once asked P if he would cheat on me and he responded that he wouldn't because it would cut into his WoW time. So you can likely guess what he does when I'm away.
Saturday morning, P mentioned that we hadn't had time apart. I told him that he forgot that I was gone a whole week in December helping my sister move to Texas. He paused and then said that he needed time away from the responsibility of the girls. He didn't feel rested like he normally does when I leave because I take the nerdlet and the bear cub with me. So I packed the girls and went to visit my mom for the weekend.
I feel like I need to find some other options though in the future. I love my mom and sister and niece, but I feel like we're in the way now that there are two more people and a dog living there when I visit. I kept waking R up and interfered with Little Miss's tv watching. My older sister always feels the need to visit and stay for a long time when I come, and even when she clearly doesn't feel like being there, she sticks around. Maybe I'll send P up there to stay with my family next month.
I'm back at home and have so much to do. Apparently the weather forgot that this is San Antonio and keeps having freezes. This week we're expecting to hard freezes below 30 degrees (F) and we've already had a few this year. Usually we only have one or two if any. This means my foyer/studio is filled with plants and that I can't really feel like the house is clean until it warms up. It also means I have to work around the plants for any quilting which is a pain at best. Also my laundry room is filled with recyclables because our 90 gallon recycling bin has been full for the last couple of pickups and still we have a couple of huge boxes to break down and put in there.
Anyway, I have to get to cleaning or I will be even more embarassed than I already will when the nerdlet's speech therapist show up in a bit.
Saturday morning, P mentioned that we hadn't had time apart. I told him that he forgot that I was gone a whole week in December helping my sister move to Texas. He paused and then said that he needed time away from the responsibility of the girls. He didn't feel rested like he normally does when I leave because I take the nerdlet and the bear cub with me. So I packed the girls and went to visit my mom for the weekend.
I feel like I need to find some other options though in the future. I love my mom and sister and niece, but I feel like we're in the way now that there are two more people and a dog living there when I visit. I kept waking R up and interfered with Little Miss's tv watching. My older sister always feels the need to visit and stay for a long time when I come, and even when she clearly doesn't feel like being there, she sticks around. Maybe I'll send P up there to stay with my family next month.
I'm back at home and have so much to do. Apparently the weather forgot that this is San Antonio and keeps having freezes. This week we're expecting to hard freezes below 30 degrees (F) and we've already had a few this year. Usually we only have one or two if any. This means my foyer/studio is filled with plants and that I can't really feel like the house is clean until it warms up. It also means I have to work around the plants for any quilting which is a pain at best. Also my laundry room is filled with recyclables because our 90 gallon recycling bin has been full for the last couple of pickups and still we have a couple of huge boxes to break down and put in there.
Anyway, I have to get to cleaning or I will be even more embarassed than I already will when the nerdlet's speech therapist show up in a bit.
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