Two choices for the bear cub's written excuse note:
Dear Harmony Hills Email Harassment Team Member:
Please excuse the bear cub for her absence on 04/17/2012 as she had diarrhea. I decided to keep her home in order to not infect any of the other students with a pathogen that infects the digestive system. Possibly if you didn't do such a good job with the email harassment then the parent of the child that she got it from might have made the same choice.
Also, I would appreciate it if you would also excuse her absence on 04/05/2012. I realize that I'm requesting this quite late afterward and am including a doctor's note in the hope that you will cease the repeated emails on the subject.
Trying to be a conscientious parent,
Dear Absentee Fascists:
Please excuse the bear cub for her absence on 04/17/2012. Yes, I do realize that being at school is important and that unless there is a grave reason for her not to be in class that I should send her to school. I'm hoping that sending this note and acknowledging the importance of each school day that you will not feel the need to send me 50,000 emails on the subject the rest of this week and next.
Thanks so much,
Likely, I won't send either note, but instead the first main body line from the first, but I really, really want to send one of these.