How far is it okay to go and leave a newborn? Can I go outside? Can I mow the lawn? Can I walk down the street and get the mail. Really, I feel pretty uncomfortable leaving her seat in the van or in the house while I bring in groceries. I only recently stopped feeling all the babies bellies to make sure they were still breathing before I went to bed, and I still think about it but am too exhausted to do it.
What do I think is going to happen? She can't even roll over herself unless I prop one arm under her. She is much safer than leaving my three-year-old alone for the time it takes me to shower. I happen to know that the nerdlet won't balk at all at trying to make herself a cheese sandwich in the sandwich maker. I can just see her place something on the counter to climb onto so she can pull the sandwich maker out of the cabinet above the stove. Here is an even more frightening thought. She could decide to make macaroni and cheese. She can actually tell you how to do it and although we have never covered the vitally important step of turning the burner on, I would not be at all surprised if she had picked that one up on her own.
Anyway, I decided to get the mail today. I wasn't really leaving the baby alone. The nerdlet, the bear cub, and their daddy were upstairs sleeping and I went as fast as I could. The mail isn't really that far, possibly 500 feet if I had to guess. I left her sleeping and came back to her working on getting into a full blown fit. She seems to know when she is completely alone in a room and has demonstrated this ability to wake herself up when I go to the bathroom or upstairs to retrieve one of her sisters. I assured her that it was okay because what she just experienced was about the limits of what her paranoid mama could handle anyway.
So did I get the Burda magazine I was looking for? No, I didn't. I did get a $50 coupon made out in my name for laser lyposuction. That's right, someone in the plastic surgery business has decided to target new moms with an advertisement geared to intensify any self hatred they have of their bodies that could not possibly have completely recovered from birth and include a generous $50 coupon. Is that not the most considerate thing you've ever heard of? Now, what I want to know is who is selling them my name and address. I doubt it is the hospital directly as I'm pretty sure that would violate HIPPA rules (though I will admit to signing off that they could give out my health information to anyone claiming to be family). I imagine there is something that is open record in either the birth certificate registry or the newborn shot record. I suppose it could be the pediatrician's office because they could sell that info without actually giving out any of their patient's information. It's just another thing that seems so wrong to me.